Lie to Myself
by tomorrow will be kinder
Summary: Astoria's life in less than 1000 words. Please READ&REVIEW!


**Once again, a one-shot. I've written this a bit differently then I'm used And I hope you like the format. READ&REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to J.K Rowling and all rightful owners. No copyright infringement intended.

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**Lie to Myself**

_She's alive and safe_; she tells herself after the war. But as much as she repeats it in her head, she still thinks there may be more things to be sad about then glad.

_She's happy and comfortable_; she tells herself at night when she's alone, cold and hungry for something that she doesn't quite know what it is yet.

_She's in love and can't wait for when he proposes_; she tells herself as Draco Malfoy grasps her cold, small hand in his as they stroll through his manor's vast grounds. She knows through some window, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy are looking at them with smiles, while she frowns.

_She's a blushing bride and overjoyed that this moment has finally come_; she tells herself as her father leads her down the aisle to Draco. But as she nears him, she's already dreading tonight and their not even married yet.

_She's loving married life and loves Draco_; she tells herself as Draco lays beside her in bed, chest rising and falling quickly and his eyes bright. Even though she wants to think differently, she wonders what girls ever saw in boys, sex with them isn't even that great.

_She's glowing and these are the happiest days of her life_; she tells herself when her back aches and her robes won't quite fit over her bulging belly anymore. Inside, she curses Draco for putting this devilish thing inside her.

_She's fallen in love again and she's never been happier_; she tells herself as the mediwitch places the bundle in her arms and right away she spots the grey eyes staring up at her and the tuft of pale hair. She honestly can't think of what would make her agree to name this _clone_ of her husband Scorpius Hyperion.

_She's enjoying motherhood and loves Scorpius to pieces_; she tells herself as the wailing begins again and she feels a long finger prod her side. She hopes Draco remembered to pray that she doesn't kill his heir as she rubs her eyes and stumbles through the darkness.

_She's heartbroken and tearful he's leaving for Hogwarts_; she tells herself as Scorpius waves goodbye, before hopping on the train. Inside she's happy that she can put away her act for once.

_She's disgusted and disappointed with him_; she tells herself as Scorpius' and Vincent Crabbe's conversation drifts through the heavy wooden door and reaches her ears. But she really doesn't care that Scorpius thinks Selene Zabini is a good lay.

_She's proud and tearful again_; she tells herself as Scorpius graduates from Hogwarts. She pulls her mask of a smile out and places it on her face. Secretly, she can't wait to get home and lock herself in her chambers with a glass of sherry. Or two.

_She's never been happier and she's glad they'll be another woman in the manor_; she tells herself as Scorpius dances with his new bride while she and Draco watch. The reality is: her mind is buzzing from the full glass of champagne that's dangling from her fingers.

_She's happy she's finally a grandmother and loves little Cadmus_; she tells herself as the crying of a newborn travels to her and Draco's side of the manor and reaches her ears. Really, she just wishes that her pillow were thick enough to muffle the crying a bit.

_She's heartbroken and doesn't think she can live on_; she tells herself as she attempts to cry with dry eyes besides Scorpius' weeping form as Draco's casket is lowered into the ground. As she drops dirt on the gleaming wood, she can't help but think of the hawthorn wand clasped in his cold, lifeless hands; and how she feels like that wand, trapped in something she can't escape.

_She's shocked and terrified to die_; she tells herself as the mediwitch informs her that she will not live more than three months time. She won't tell anyone, because a part of her is a bit relieved.

_She's feeling guilty and still scared_; she tells herself as Cadmus tells Scorpius and her about Hogwarts. She knows Scorpius would be worried and do everything to save her, but she really doesn't want to be saved.

She's happy and without pain as she feels her eyelids grow heavy before closing and her body go weak. This time she doesn't tell this to herself because for once in her life, she doesn't have to lie.

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Hope you liked it. pLeAsE REVIEW! :)**


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